Original SA post
Not World Of Synnibarr But Actually Central Casting:
I wasn't kidding on the crazy here.
I admit I may have been fudging my dice rolls a little to try and get crazier stuff, but I wasn't told what the tables looked like before I rolled anything.
I chose to name my character Examply McExample, and while you're not required to, I rolled and came up with Female.
I rolled a d20 and got 13 for race, Human, and apparently I need 15 or higher to get anything else. Whoops, there goes the "useful with any roleplaying system" thing, becuase who knows what the demographics of the setting look like!
I then roll to see what my cultural background is, and get 8 on a d10, for a Civlized society! This gives me a CuMod of +4, which applies to some future rolls. Like Social Status!
Which I roll on a d100, and get 98, plus 4 CuMod, for 102. At this point I ask "Am I queen of the world?" in chat.
But nope! I need to roll another d100 on the Nobility table, which actually has the highest result as an 01, and get 56, making me the Contessa Examply McExample, and roll 3d6 for my acres of land owned, and get 18.
I now roll for my Title Mod on a d20,, adding my CuMod, getting a total of +19, which modifies more future rolls!
I roll to see if I'm legitimate, getting 2 plus the CuMod plus 5 for being nobility, and get 11, showing that I'm a legitimate scion of the McExample house.
Next is my family, and I roll 17 on a d20, plus the CuMod for 21, a result of NO KNOWN FAMILY. And now the crazy train starts rolling.
And never stops.
My Time and Place of Birth are rolled on... forgot to note it down, and I was born in Winter, in my family home. With no known family. This gives me a BiMod of -5, applying to my roll for Unusual Births. I roll a total of 79 on d100, getting three. Two random, one GM's choice. These are also d100 rolls.
I get 75, born with a CURSE, 08, born with a BLESSING, and the Ariamaki picks for the last one a result of 100, roll twice more at +20.
These rolls turn up a total of 24, "All the milk within a mile went sour at birth* *people who know this might think differntly of you", and yes, that footnote is on the table, and is going to be
once we're done becuase that is one of the
strange things going on with this character.
For example, my last birth result is that I am the OFFSPRING OF A MORTAL AND A DEIFIC AVATAR. This gives me +3 to all my stats, a Physical Affliction to mark me as part divine, a Gift or Legacy left by my divine parent, and another Blessing, and I roll on table 864 to find out what diety my dad is. I'll get to these later, as is apparently procedure.
At this point we realized we hadn't generated my SolMod, needed for upcoming rolls, and I got an 80, and rolled again and added 8, getting a total of 101, which for a noble indicates I am EXTREMELY WEALTHY, with a SolMod of +13. I roll a d100 and a d4 to find out that I am literate and fluent in both writing and speaking five languages, and I have twenty times the normal starting cash for the campaign.
As pocket money, with plenty of other assets to boot. "Character usually has no need to borrow money unless he is bankrolling a country or a war."
I now roll two d3s to find out how many Significant Events i have in Childhood and Adolescence, getting 3 childhood and 2 adolescence. These apparently don't have separate tables, but some places they send you might check when they happened. I find out that I had events at age 2, 6, 12, 14, and 17. I roll a d20 and add my SolMod to find out what happened!
At age 2, a total of 16 indicates I am taught an UNUSUAL SKILL by a tutor.
At age 6, a total of 32 (1 short of maximum possible) I am given d10, 7 personal slaves to do with as I see fit.
At age 12, I roll a total of 18, and get a Lightside personality trait and roll a d4 for some reason and find out that SOMETHING WONDERFUL happened!
At age 14, a total of 31 indicates I exhibit features of an Exotic Personality Trait, giving me an Exotic personality trait, and due to an apparent typo on the table, also a Random one, which I roll to determine which other type it is when generating personality.
At age 17, a total of 17 makes me roll for a bad event, and I get 4, "Roll up a rival". Fuck that, becuase it means we'd be going through this entire table twice, so I reroll and get a 1. Indicating the Contessa Examply McExample, a
, was... raped.
This gives me a Darkside (evil) trait, and I roll on table 750 to find out who's responsible!
I now roll to see how many Special Events of Adulthood I have, and get the maximum, 3. I roll 2d20+Sol Mod of 13 to find out what!
The first, a total result of 23, is that I TURNED TO A LIFE OF CRIME! I gain a Darkside trait and roll on table 534 to find out what type of crime.
Second, I get a total of 44, "Reroll at +5", and then a total of 42, "reroll at +5", and finally a total of 50, "Family sends you a personal butler who refuses to leave your service and is loyal to the death." So after I turn to a life of crime, God Dad sends me a butler. Apparently. Roll on table 761 subtable C to build!
Last, I roll a total of 38, getting another Exotic Personality Trait!
Now, we see what this shit MEANT.
My birth-curse is, after rolling a shitload of d20s (and making the comment that obviously my curse is to roll d20s forever) find out that "The character is cursed so that all their children will be born altered, and under very specific circumstances." Specifically, they will be born with functional bird wings that let them fly as fast as a Griffin, and will be born in a back alley. ...
in another dimension
, becuase apparently I rolled "roll two and combine them" for specific circumstances. This will give them a BiMod of +20, makign them even more likely to be freaky freaks than I am.
My birth-blessing is that I am PSIONIC! A d20 roll of 20 indicates I roll again 1d3+1 times, with duplicate results stacking! I get Psychic Healing, Telekinesis, Teleportation, and Telepathy. All at basic rank, but I can train them.
Now, the GOD SHIT.
The Physical Affliction is rolled and I find out I am NOT a Hunchback, becuase that is an invalid result if you're doing this because of divine ancestry, and reroll. This one is, by pure coincidence, that I also have wings that let me fly as fast as a griffin, making that condition on my kids actually sort of make sense. (The back alley in another dimension thing, not so much.)
For the Gift, I roll and discover I have a sealed trunk containing 4 more items: An Unsusual Pet (roll on table 760), a Bound Wooden Staff and Musical Instrument with properties determined by the GM for the campaign, and an "Anachronistic Item", which Ariamaki informs me is a laser pistol.
And the god table indicates my dad is the "Divine Ancestor of All Humanity".
The pet table, on which I roll a d20, a d10, and a d4, ALL OF WHICH COME UP 2
, indicates my pet is a dog, made out of stone, which an posses other animals when it dies, is of human level intelligence, and
can turn into an attractive human of my preferred gender for 1d6 hours per day.
God Dad gave me a dog boyfriend.
Now on to the events that happened AFTER I was born!
At age 2, my unusual skill is that I am an INVENTOR. Well, that'll go well with the laser pistol, I suppose. And I learned this at 2.
Which would make even less sense if I wasn't a demigod.
At age 12, the SOMETHING WONDERFUL, I roll a d20+SolMod for a total of 30, and get Ariamaki to say "D:" in chat. After typing for a bit, he informs me that: " A new market opens up for the chief source of your nation's income. Several new estates are opened in foreign countries, and your starting wealth is multiplied by one hundred." So now I have
20,000 fucking times
the normal starting cash for the campaign
as walking around money
, and am apparently filthy, filthy fucking rich.
At age 17, I find out WHO RAPED ME! I roll "Somebody known by their occupation", which the GM picks. And Ariamaki picks the high priest of God Dad's religion, as one of the few people who wouldn't just get telekineticly throw out of the building or shot with my laser pistol or whatever if they tried.
So now, I turn to adult events, and TURN TO A LIFE OF CRIME! I roll a d10, a d6, and d3 d20s to find out why, and get: ""You feel like you are punishing those who have done wrong to you." Your crime of choice is Banditry. You are always the first suspect whenever a crime goes down, and at one point, you were jailed for a very brief period with no consequences." given I'm a DEMIGOD with PSYCHIC POWERS and a LASER GUN and shit, I figure I just crashed there for the night and walked out in the morning with little effort.
After turning to crime, the DIVINE ANCESTOR OF ALL HUMANITY sends me a fanatically loyal butler who will never leave me even in the face of death! I roll on Table 761, Subtable C, which has the title of simply "What?", and find out that my butler's personality is: Extremely gung-ho, always ready for adventure. "Enthusiasm isn't his middle name, it's his first." And this is the only thing I roll on the table because apparently the rest is supposed to be determined by the GM.
And now, it is time for my PERSONALITY TRAITS. I roll 66 and 99 to finalize the Random traits, getting a Neutral and a third Exotic trait.
My Neutral trait is that I am emotionally conservative. Closed off, not prone to displays of emotion, etc.
My Lightside trait is that I am Punctual.
My two Darkside traits are that I am Impatient, and I am Immoral, meaning I am "Lecherous, lawless, devoid of morals". FUCK YOU, GOD DAD, apparently. Actually seems to make sense after being molested by the high priest of my dad's religion.
For my three exotics, I roll d20 for kind, getting a Phobia (of Open Spaces, which I use one of the two "this makes no sense" rerolls to change because I can FLY but I'm AGORAPHOBIC, getting Corpses instead), two Behavior Tags, getting Slob and Pet Lover(That'll go well with Dog Boyfriend, I guess...), and rolling a maximum of 20 for my last, getting ROLL FOUR MORE TIMES. :starecapybara:
For these FOUR MORE Exotic
Traits, I get a Phobia of Storms (which makes sense for a flyer, really), an
) to "Bite Or Sting of some common insect", which we decide is bee stings, a Behavior Tag of Vandal, and the big money shot of offensive bizarre shit in Central Casting: a Sexual Disorder. Also, for alignment purposes,
all possible Sexual Disorders count as a Darkside Trait
, making you more evil.
I roll 2d8, the first time I'd rolled a d8 this whole buisness. I roll a 16, ROLL THREE MORE TIMES. I roll that I am a Nymphomaniac, that I am Ultraprudent, which being incompatible with having other sexual disorders is rerolled, finding out that I am a Lesbian (making me
, remember, and I guess that's Dog Girlfriend now), and a Fetish!
Before I tell you what I got, I will reproduce the table in full:
1- Women's Cloths
2- Men's Cloths
5- A body part
6- An animal
7- Choose from the Phobia list
9- A type of person
10- A relative
8 is technically Paraphilia-- Chose from the Gift and Legacy list
Notice how this means I could roll a fetish for WIDE OPEN SPACES, thanks to the "go to the phobia list" entry. "FUCK YES A BIG EMPTY FIELD
Now. I rolled... a 6. For, Ariamaki informs me, specifically.. dogs.
Hilariously appropriate, given Dog Girlfriend, I suppose. I am also informed that due to the way the bell curve of the Sexual Disorder table is set up, being homosexual is equally as likely as
and that the least like disorder is being a
. ALL OF WHICH MAKE YOU EQUALLY MORE EVIL.
Lastly, I choose my Alignment, and two actual Darkside traits and three Sexual Disorders indicate I have to be evil. Out Depraved (Neutral Evil, don't give a fuck about anybody else), Diabolical (Chaotic Evil, basically a Fishmalk), and Deviant, I choose Deviant: Like the Ethical alignment, has a strict and ordered moral code, but it is entirely self-centered. They respect honor and discipline in others.
So Contessa Examply McExample is Nymphomaniac Gay Psychic Evil Batman, basically. With a laser gun, Skill Focus: Fucking the Dog, and ALL OF THE MONEY. ALL OF IT. YEAH!!!!!!!!
GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!
I just got molested during character creation. Table 743 will tell me by who...
Original SA post
So, I set out to make Spatchcock Macmillan of Imperial Space. He started out...completely not normal at all.
Because, you see, Spatchcock is a Reptoid. The Reptoids have recently invented faster-than-light travel, though they still haven't a clue how to build an ansible or any other FTL communicator. This is because Reptoids have fucking
. Specificlaly, they have transmatter weapons, superior to Starfleet, the Jedi Council and the Ringworld.
Spatchcock was born on a hidden planet deep in the Reptoid system that was used as a toxic waste dump. Hidden on that planet was the ancient temple of a cult - an evil cult, though for no clear reason. His father was chosen carefully - a man covered in scar tissue as a result of being the world's most dangerous Reptoid, he was brought into the cult by Spatchcock's stepmother, a brilliant cyberneticist with massive amounts of money.
Dude either grew up street as FUCK, or was a footsoldier in some space army.
She and the cult's leader, a geneticist of extreme skill, worked together to develop the Chosen One, foretold by prophecy. He was designed as the most powerful Reptoid ever to exist. However, there were some problems, and he ended up with several birth defects alongside it. Some were replaced to save his life - he received a bionic right leg, left arm and right hand. He also didn't have a dick, but, you know, he didn't need one.
So you are basically CABLE: THE FANFICCANING
And, last but not least, a
, with GM-derived superpowers. All but the brain were clearly mechanical, but who cares about that? Spatchcock certainly didn't. In fact, he was so amazing that no Reptoid could bear the fetus, so he was borne by a robot. His birthmother, an android of an ancient civilization who joined the cult for reasons of her own. She was destroyed in childbirth, thanks to Spatchcock's amazing psychic powers.
Yeah, he has those. He's telepathic and can shoot MIND BLASTS. He is also seven and a half feet tall. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. When mom was destroyed, she left him a starmap, a key and a locked chest. Inside the chest was the deed to an ancient ruin, which was later turned into Spatchcock's temple, a machine of mysterious origin that is DM Knowledge Only (so Ariamaki will have to tell you what it is) and a sealed bottle with DM-chosen contents. This wasn't his only gift, however - his geneticist psuedofather went into hiding, but left him a starship of immense power. Destined by prophecy, this ship was an ancient machine bearing weapons of power at least equal to the greatest of the Reptoid's own impressive aresenal, and had the ancient gengineering lab that was used to create him in all his psychic cyborg glory. It was, however, infested by alien parasites...a final test, which Spatchcock passed when he tamed the parasites and used them as crew. No one could understand it, for he was still an infant.
As he grew to age 2, the infant Spatchcock showed his might. I should mention here - Spatchcock's black. Not black-scaled, I mean, he is a black reptoid in the same way that, say, Michael Jordan is a black man. So he grew up on the streets and became a street fighter (no, really, this is what it means. Yeah.), largely of his own choice. And he could make that choice as an infant, for that was when he first took his ship and became a PIRATE.
He set out for distant lands in his ship with a new pirate crew, and he found an ancient temple. There, as the Chosen One, he was granted a vision of destiny...but the price was his crew, who all died horribly. Even Spatchcock, due to his
being an infant
, could barely comprehend it and so lost much of his memory of the planet of the temple. At age 5, he finally made his way home and was united with the cult that had made him, which took him in as their child savior. He was resistant at first until his memories were unlocked.
And that's how he became a God-King at age 5. At age 15, he ran away to the planet of his birth, to better commune with his own superior nature, being the Psychic Cyborg Reptoid Uberman. After that, he want to college and got a perfect GPA, getting a degree in music and playing an entire symphonic orchestra singlehandedly for a living.
As an adult, he would go on to take a cruise as a vacation from ruling his cult, where he ahd a chance to practice his favorite hobby: making space monster noises. He was found by a TV executive and became fantastically rich - even more than normal - making space monster noises for television. After that was done, he and his cult headed off to find a husband. (Spatchcock's gay, you see.) They arranged a marriage, as Spatchcock had fallen in love with another reptoid...
But the marriage was attacked by space monsters! They ate Spatchcock's fiance before anything could be done, but then it was shown how Spatchcock had commanded his first crew - he had a power that was not designed by the geneticist who made him. He could
command alien creatures
, through the power of his voice and mind.
So now he had a space monster army, too. With the cult and army, he set out for a glacial world to pick up some smoothies. He accidentally instigated a regime change there, and ended up being arrested for a few years, working on a chain gang. He was okay with that, since it only made him even more buff.
Now, Spatchcock Macmillan, Superior Reptoid, seeks to claim his destiny, for he is the Chosen One.
He'd be a fairly nice guy - he's generous, honest and mildly irreverent - if it weren't for the fact that he also has a fascination for setting things on fire and beating things up. He's also a homosexual and a voyeur, the latter probably a result of
not having any genitals
. He's allergic to fur and has phobias about being poisoned or infected; unlikely, to say the least, given he's a genetically engineered black cyborg superman with a superior education.
This resulted in him being classed as evil, of course, because he's a gay voyeur with phobias and an allergy. (Which resulted from rolling three 20s in a row; originally he was looking like a good guy and then we got three 'roll 3 times on this table' results in a row.) So he also got to be Deviant/
So yeah, that's how I rolled up black cyborg superman Frank Welker, the Chosen Reptoid.