Original SA post
I've been away from home for too long.
Sample PC, right here.
This is a curious Spanish game from 1993 (aren't they all?) that deals with a subject I'm confident in saying most of you will be unfamiliar with: military service. Specifically,
military service. In Spain, all young men had to join the armed forces at 18+ years old until about 2001, which means that generations of Spanish men have all sorts of
stories about their "mili" days. And not so hilarious: let's remember what happened back in the '30s in Spain and who ruled it for a very long time. (Hint, it was Franco.) This game is, as its creators (one of which is Spanish RPG eminence Ricard Ibáñez) say, is not about heroes and adventurers: PCs are just kids doing the mili. They don't have treasures to discover, empires to topple, or worlds to save: all they have to do is keep the military machine from pummeling them through hazing, stupid orders and all the shit that falls down on a conscript soldier into "zombie-dom" and transformation into a perfect little soldier. Did I mention that its title can be read as "Milipoop" in Spanish?
Fuck, the CO plays Warhams.
This is the roleplaying game of thinking recruits, which is just like saying "bad soldiers."
Unlike other games, in MiliKK you can't die. The authors think that accidents (lethal or otherwise) that happened every year during the service are simply too grim to joke about. The game is also dedicated to one José Luis Núñez Pérez, who died while under arrest three days after the guy he replaced was discharged.
Though this is a comedy game, this is definitely based on some shitty personal experiences: the authors note the units where they served, after all. One of them was in Spain's Northern Africa Army!
But, to the game. Let's start with
PCs. First goes the name, of course, then the player's name to save people trouble during play. You roll for some personal data (height, weight, hair and eye color), then it's
time. MiliKK characters are defined by their
. Roll 3d6+5, then split the total among the stats, with 1 as the minimum and 5 as the maximum. Then, there's the
stat, which is Personality x 10. Morale is MiliKK's real HP-like stat, which is improved by doing Good Stuff and reduced by having Bad Stuff happen to you. If a PC hits -6 Morale, they're "dead" - the system has successfully brainwashed him and he'll spend the rest of his service doing things like a good little jarhead. Morale is also rolled to see how ballsy the PCs are at doing some truly outrageous shit. Then, it's time to figure out the PC's
: mili rank is how far into his period of service the PC is, and therefore how experienced he is at dealing with the fucking mili. This also determines how many skill points the PC will get.
Mili ranks are:
: PC just got into the mili. 150 skill points, can't take mili skills.
: Some months into the mili, PC kind of figures things out by now. 300 skill points.
: PC has done over half of his mili time. 450 skill points.
: PC has less than two months left of mili. 600 skill points.
Grandfathers can take a Morale check to see if they're Corporals. Great Grandfathers can become Lance Corporals with two successful Morale checks.
are divided in
skills. Civilian skills are those learned in the real world, Military skills are taught in the training camp, and Mili skills are those developed out of necessity in order to survive the Army. They're ranked from A to E, with A being the lowest value and E the highest. Some of them also come with certain specializations: for instance, you have to pick one specific Martial Art to learn. They're all linked to one of the five primary Stats: purchasing a skill at A level costs more if the relevant stat is lower. Once the A level is bought, progressing a skill further costs a fixed 50 points. Finally, starting PCs get 2 Survival points, more on these later.
A Bug Eater on his natural environment.
Stat is 1-2: 100 points.
Stat is 3: 75 points.
Stat is 4: 50 points.
Stat is 5: 25 points.
It's a short list of skills, but they do a great job of setting the tone:
Martial Arts (M)
College Knowledge (E
It was entirely possible to get saddled with the mili even while in college.
Professional Formation (E)
("A soldier with knowledge of Tax Consultancy will be more qualified to move heavy file lockers from a storehouse to the Purser's Office than one without it.")
(E) (du yu spík ínglich?)
Getting Laid (P)
(Specifically to get laid with
First Aid (B)
Drive Can (I)
(any military land vehicle)
Drive Floating Can (I)
(any military water vehicle)
Drive Flying Can (I)
(any military air vehicle)
(rolled against Truancy to see if a command is actually obeyed)
Handling Heat (I)
(As in, guns. The Spanish word is "chopo", which specifically means the venerable CETME rifle: this skill lets the PC use any small arm up to a chopo's size.)
Handling Heat Plus (I)
(all the other weapons not covered by Handling Heat, from mortars to flamethrowers to howitzers and naval batteries.)
("The great ability of the "national" soldier in employing these [skills] has made this country the great military power that it is (mostly by preventing more nonsense than necessary from happening)")
(Trolling and bullying, used to inflict Morale loss.)
(Both physical and mental, use this to ignore a hangover or a chewing out from your CO.)
(The skill to get the things you need to spend your mili without losing Morale: tobacco, money, booze, etc. The Spanish word they use is "buitreo", which means something like "vulturing.")
Camp Lore (B)
(This skill equals the personal knowledge of the PC's camp, so it'll be nigh impossible to max it out since some places will never be open to a recruit.)
Detect Truancy (I)
(To determine, while observing a soldier with a mop, whether it's the sixth time he has wiped the same tile on the floor while his buddies are out in the sweltering sun training in close combat.)
Detect Brass (I)
(To tell if that guy in front of you is actually someone with rank over you, and which rank they hold.)
Detect Cool Spot (I)
(Is that bar nice, good and cheap?)
(getting away from shit, getting away with shit)
(vidya, poker, dice, billiards, etc.)
Swear (P) (
a good "motherfucker" after bad shit happens can raise Morale, but it has to be loud enough to put the PC in danger of being heard)
(pretending you're innocent)
Prepare Fast-Food (B)
(not that literally, this is just the cooking skill applied to whatever the PCs can scrounge and is barely edible)
Military Psychology (I)
(to determine whether threats by the brass are real or just Harassment, or to size up a new officer.)
PCs can roll for all skills without having them: essentially, they're added to the relevant stat when a roll is called for, so an A skill is equal to a stat of 6 for the relevant roll, and so on. There's a table: a roll-under percentile roll is made depending on the stat/skill level of the character and the difficulty of the action they attempt. A PC has 50% of pulling something with a Difficulty equal to their stat/skill, increasing or decreasing in five point steps. Trying to use Chutzpah at A to get away from weekend guard duty by convincing the Difficulty 8 "Childeater" CO? 40% rolls. 95+ rolls are fumbles, 5- rolls are crits. Crits also provide Survival points! Speaking of these, they represent a PC's experience and reserves of good luck. They can be traded in for skill points (1 Survival = 25 skill points), reducing a Difficulty in two steps, or increasing Morale by 5 points per each Survival spent.
There's also a Morale table: Good Things increase Morale, like getting laid, getting drunk, getting high, scoring weekend passes, getting out of shit duties, surviving until your next mili rank, and so on. Bad Things reduce it: late-night guard duty, getting thrown into the brig, being saddled with shitty duties, watch a friend be discharged, and so on. Being discharged yourself, however, is worth a billion Morale points!
: Drugs can increase Morale at a risk: milder stuff like booze and weed increase Morale but need an Endurance roll later, while coke and harder stuff give big Morale increases with a certain loss of Morale later that can be worse than the Morale bonus. As for physical damage, there's no HP: you can't die in MiliKK, so getting hurt in any serious way just sends a character to the hospital. Plus, the authors assume that their gear is naffed enough that they won't hit the broad side of a barn at three feet
. A fistfight is a simple Muscle against Muscle roll, with Morale losses on the line.
Now, as this is an old RPG, we have a
Oh, yes. Mostly the same stats of PCs, with the addition of their usual habitat and their Speed, that can go from
government official with a little bit of power. Angry because it'll take a long time for him to be promoted. Attack: Harass.
young officer with tertiary education. Like a ROTC. Attack: usually harmless.
kid that knows he's going to have to do a year again. Attack: depends on his character.
well, Rambo. Attack: order push-ups.
"Appearance: Dad." Attack: harmless. Very good at Detecting Truancy, though.
as the Weenie, a little smarter.
You don't get to pick them. Attack: "I'll tell Dad/Mom/etc.!"
A fash civvie. Attack: "In the times of F... this didn't happen, I'll report this with your CO."
ranked, but harmless until provoked.
Bug Eater: "
Appearance: as a truck driver compared to a compact car driver." Hardcore asshole. Attacks: Harass, Fuck With.
a chaplain. "Appearance: Inquisitor." Attack: "Soldier, have you ever served as an altar boy?"
Then there's some
The Wolf's Coming
: major joint exercise, the PC's company is chased around by other units. The PC's objective: to keep from being captured by the 'enemy' and do as little gung-ho shit as possible.
Fire in the Body
: a forest near the PC's camp catches fire, and they're volunteered to help. They're loaded up in a truck along with some IMECO 2nd Lt., but soon the driver loses sight of the convoy. They later find out that the fire already has been extinguished, and the PCs have a close city during party season, a hastily signed route sheet, and an easily coaxed IMECO for a nanny...
The Sarge's Goat
: Lucero is the name of the kitchen sergeant's pet goat! He loves it so much! He, who just took away your overnight pass, serves shit for grub and bought a Mercedes with what he steals from the kitchens. Time to get some payback by having Lucero for lunch.
Lieutenant Francis' Wife:
Lt. "Mule" Francis is the most hardcore officer in the regiment. A fash, too. His wife is the sluttiest slut that ever slutted (hey, it was 1993!) The PCs are tasked to do some repair work around the LT's house, and she'll try everything she can to get in bed with the PCs. Oh, and the Lt. will drop by for a surprise visit...
The Regiment's Pet
: the regiment's Colonel had a lion pup given to him as a gift when he took command. Now, the lion is fully grown, but completely tamed. The PCs are ordered to look after it because it will be part of the regiment's next parade... except kitty gets lost in the city one hour before it starts.
: The PCs get to stand watch on a small store apart from the main camp. It's known to be a good opportunity to fuck around, except that this night the veterans are preparing a party, the phone is busted, some corporal sneaked a couple of hookers inside, the IMECO in charge scores some dank shit, a gang of ecologist-pacifists storm the place to protest the death of penguins, some burglars want to check if they can steal some of the good stuff, and a random CO will perform a surprise review.
: "Piggy" IV would be the best bar in town, except that its owner is a sumbitch that hates jarheads with a vengeance after one got his little girl pregnant. He sets up the PCs by offering them free drinks, then calling the MPs accusing them of not paying and hurling threats at him. Vengeance is forecoming.
Night of the Long Knives
: PCs are rookies just arrived into camp. The veterans sharpen their fangs. The longest night...
: Florenciano "The Chewer" Pérez is the officer in charge for the week. Surprise footlocker inspections, removal of passes, arrests over anything: he's a fucking asshole. Everyone also knows he's gay, but no one has ever found any proof (though if someone did, they could have a very good mili by blackmailing him...)
Elementary, Dear Doctor
: a routine check of the infirmary's pharmacy reveals that many drugs have gone missing. The CO issues a lockdown alert, everything goes to shit, and everyone is grounded until the drugs show up. They never will, since someone forgot to carry the two and fucked the check in the first place. The PCs have to get at the bottom of the mystery, or at least get away from the Bad Stuff.
And that's it! There's a long sidebar detailing authentic mili slang for that Spaniard flavor. I could do a couple of the adventures they wrote for the setting, if you'd like.
Module: Supervivencia (Survival)
Original SA post
Animal House, Lousy Guns Edition
The first module (heh, they called it modules, of course - this was in an old RPG magazine after all) for MiliKK I'll go through is called
(Survival) and it's a simple thing to give GMs and players a feel for the game. PCs should be Veterans or Grandfathers, know each other beforehand and belong to the same company.
Rumor has it that there are division-level surprise exercises on the works. Successful rolls of Military Psychology, Chutzpah or Ass-Kissing will reveal that the exercises will take place very close to the coast, and the company's only role will be to hold a span of ground to deny it to the 'enemy.' Furthermore, the company won't have to walk a mile on foot to get to their destination - trucks will be provided. And, on top of it all, another unit will set up some huge tents at the staging grounds, so the soldiers won't need to carry or set up sleeping bags or tents of their own. Yay! Of course, such a happy situation cannot last.
, company CO, orders his men to pack up only necessities and form up - of course, most people will have already packed up the necessities for a day at the beach. Captain González is a kind but clumsy man, however, and he manages to fall face-first off the stairs when about to join his men: the wound is not severe, but he won't be able to participate. Commander Morales, a.k.a. "
" because of the way he laughs, is left in charge, and the man is famous for being a hopeless fuckup.
Some hours into the journey, Morales orders the trucks to stop and everyone to come down. A good walk will make them hungry and they need the exercise, he says, so they get to walk the last 30 kilometers in full gear to their staging grounds. The lieutenants will march with the troops to lead by example; he would join them, of course, but he's got to ride with the trucks to get things ready. Any PC that fails at a roll of Chutzpah, Truancy, or whatever they can come up to hitch a ride will have to do those 30 kilometers under a sweltering summer sun. Difficulty 5 Endurance roll, otherwise they lose 5 Morale. Fortunately, however, they get a free Swearing roll to mitigate the damage, because even the officers are pissed off.
catalan cursing up in this posted:
IMECO 2nd Lt. Revetllat is the first to snarl through his teeth: "...será mal parit el fill de sa mare..."
When they finally arrive, they'll notice a Supply truck going the opposite way: Difficulty 5 Intuition roll to notice it's loaded up with their tents. See, the Hyena had the bright idea to order all the tents dismounted and packed away: he spotted a nice old abandoned farmhouse where the troops will be
more comfortable, and in a better tactical position. The farmhouse, by the way, is on top of a hill, and the road there is rocky and rough. The Commander would help, gladly, but he's got to take a jeep to appraise the Colonel of the new situation and receive orders. 5 Morale hit to anyone that has to carry supplies uphill if they fail an Endurance roll, unless they manage to get away from the shit pile beforehand. A Difficulty 1 Military Psychology idea will tell the PCs that the Hyena had a terrible idea after all: the position is hard for supply trucks to get to, they'll be out of communications, and can't evacuate quickly if they're located or needed elsewhere. And they'll need to set up a guard post for their trucks, left down the hill.
The farmhouse is a disaster: the soldiers will have to clean up, cover holes in the walls, and basically make the place somewhat inhabitable by human beings. It'll take hours of work, though. An Intuition roll at Difficulty 10, however, will reveal a major prize: a plastic bag with over two kilos of hash! Another Intuition roll will help PCs paying attention notice that the Supply soldiers return with the truck, throw the tents to the ground and fuck off with sour looks on their faces. Another bright idea of the Hyena: the troops have to camp downhill, while only four soldiers stay at the farmhouse just in case the "enemy" wants to storm it. Again, time to haul all the gear
, and no Endurance roll will help with the 5 Morale loss this time. It's deep into the night when dinner is served, and any PC that doesn't make a Difficulty 5 Endurance roll will pass out for hours. If any PC is still standing and goes outside for a leak or to smoke, they will notice two shady figures skulking around.
Corporal Pepe Triana
are sneaking off! They're both buddies, and Pepe told his pal that he knows a town nearby with lots of summer partying going on, so they're planning to get on their beach civvie outfits and going for a night out in the Commander's jeep, which they're now pushing gently outside of the camp so as to not wake anyone up. PCs that can approach them without making too much noise and get some civilian clothes could convince the two (Ass-Kissing, Chutzpah, or Military Psychology for good ol' blackmailing) to take them along.
Pepe is right: it's party o'clock at the town. Detect Cool Spot rolls to find out the best parties, and if the PCs make their Getting Laid and Speak Guiri rolls they'll meet two tall, curvy German chicks,
Ingrid and Sigrid
. "'Appearance: Nymphomaniac Vikings. Attack: [CENSORED]"
If the PCs don't try to stop things, they'll end up in the middle of a raging orgy at their apartment, along with the IMECO and the Corporal. Endurance or Muscle rolls to see how they perform: a crit means the girls have found the man (men) of their lives. A fumble...
Eventually, the PCs will want to return, which means getting rid of the gals (who want them to stay for another hour or ten) and dragging the other two goons, who are too drunk and high respectively to be of much use. They could leave them behind, but the two assholes could just reveal their names. So it's time to drag them back to the jeep and head back to camp, with a surprise Difficulty 6 roll not to crash the car as they start singing and dancing. Perhaps gagging them will be in order. Anyway! Six o'clock in the morning, time to wakey wakey. The Hyena is going to use an "efficient" defensive system employed by the Americans in 'Nam, which will send small patrols around the camp to detect the enemy. Difficulty 2 Education roll to realize how he fucked up this time: the Americans used that system in jungle terrain, not the flatter ground where they're in and where a couple of armored vehicles can just run over any silly old foot infantry platoon. No matter, the PCs get saddled with it, commanded by Sergeant Fojones, a.k.a. "
." A tough, brutish SOB. The Sarge orders the PCs to piss on the ground to make mud, and coat themselves with it to blend with the terrain (nevermind that their green fatigues already contrast heavily with the local terrain) Instant 2 Morale hit to anyone dumb enough to go with the Sarge's command, since it's trivial to just move away from his sight and use water from their canteens to make the mud. Once 'camouflaged', Festicles will order them to advance and hit the deck every time a plane flies over them. Did I mention that the exercises take place near a local airfield?
The patrol reaches the shores of a 'river', that is to say, a smelly sewer entrance disgorging wastewater into the sea.The wastewater shifts between a diarrhea-like brown and a vomitous yellow, and it's dragging dead rats along. The Sarge will order part of the patrol to cover them, while the rest charges through the river - him on the lead, yelling at the top of his lungs! A whopping 10 Morale loss, since a Brains or Truancy roll will make the PCs notice that there's a clean exit about twenty meters to a side. Festicles will fall halfway through the 'river', swallowing up part of the wastewater, so he'll go easy on anyone that doesn't quite follow his command. He'll order the rest of the patrol to recon ahead over a small mound while he stays along with another soldier to rest. Oh, by the way, the patrol is beyond the mission area: over the mound, there's a nudist colony.
When the PCs decide to come back, regardless of their possible attempts at fraternization with the local populace
they'll find Festicles drooling something greenish, with little red spots all over his body and having a bad case of the runs. The PCs could try to drag him back to base, or ask the nudists for help: they'll gladly supply a car, but they're going to drive them to base in their birthday suits. The troops will love them, the Hyena will be mad as hell, and the PCs will have to roll Marshality, Chutzpah or Military Psychology to dodge a bullet there.
After lunch, the Hyena leaves camp to meet with Command, and things are nice and quiet! Until the PCs watch Ingrid and Sigrid on a beat up Citrôen coming for them, clearly unwilling to let them go~ The PCs, Revetllat and Triana will have to find a way to get rid of the German girls before the Hyena returns, or at least keep them quiet because there'll be hell if the Hyena or the other lieutenants get word of their escapade. They could try anything from organizing an impromptu brothel in the back of the kitchen so that the entire company helps in keeping them busy (they'll love it) or gag them and throw them into the water (they'll love that a lot less) At night, the PCs will get saddled with guard duty at the farmhouse. What they don't know is that the drug dealer that hid his stash in the farmhouse will come back for it, along with two other thugs. They're shit at stealth, however, they don't even know about the military exercises in the area, and any PC that is minimally alert will spot them. A Marshality roll along with aiming their (unloaded) weapon at the losers will make them crap their pants and surrender on the spot. If they think of turning them in at the camp, though...
The Hyena has been hitting the Chinchón (an anise-based spirit) something fierce, so upon receiving the 'prisoners' he'll yell that they're an advance party for a "Freemason Red" army camouflaged among the local civilians, so he'll be forced to declare martial law. And everyone gets ordered onto the trucks to assault the beach town! The Hyena is about to turn things into a royal clusterfuck, and the smartest thing the PCs can do (in fact, what most of the company will do) is fuck off as soon as they get the opportunity. Eventually, the Guardia Civil will stop the Hyena at banging on the doors of the town hall, and book him on charges of drunkenness and public scandal. Not a single member of his force, officers included, will lift a finger to help him.
If the PCs are still around, they'll hear
a tough but reasonable guy, order everyone to be present at morning call in camp tomorrow, before finding the nearest bar for some scotch with ice.
At the end, the PCs will be rewarded with 1-3 Survival points and 15 Morale for making it to the end. If any of the PCs got laid with Ingrid or Sigrid, they'll have to make a Difficulty 10 Endurance roll now, or catch some king-sized crabs
. As for the Hyena, he'll be presented with the Medal to Distinguished Merit, for his great performance during the exercise.